Don't tell me I can't

"I do not trouble my spirit to vindicate itself or be understood,"
-Walt Whitman, From Song of Myself

I will not listen to you when you tell me you can't.

I can't help save the world? I can't get people to listen?

I will get people to listen. It takes time. I am young, I am getting stronger. One day I will get my points across. One day someone will listen. One day, someone will care.

One day someone will actually look at this blog. One day, one day. It will only take one moment to look.

"I think if people see this footage, they'll say 'Oh, my God, that's horrible.' And then they'll go on eating their dinners. " -Jack, Hotel Rwanda

But they'll notice. It make take years for them to actually do something about it, but they will notice. They will see one day, I was right all along. I was right about the mistakes the Presidents have made, I was right about what will happen to America. I was right about what will happen to China and India. And I was right about what would happen to the earth.

Don't tell me I can't get them to notice. Don't waste your breath. I can do anything I set my heart to.

My existence on Earth was to tell you all a message. Please, just listen.

Video game addict.

It's all my fault when I make you pissed, because you frustrate me when you make me do something. I make you yell because I don't lay on my ass and play video games all day. I come home, relax, listen to you, do what you tell me to, try to do my homework, spend a little time practicing, then take your shit. I try to get the best possible grades, and I obviously have in the house. But if I sat on the couch and played video games, would you yell at me? Or is it because he's quiet and I actually run my own mind. He just has Grand Theft Auto and Call of Duty think for him.

Violence and laziness.
That's all he cares about. He doesn't care that you're upset, he cares that he has to deal with it. Do you know how mean he is? I try to be nice and tolerate you, but you're so frustrating because no matter what I do, it's wrong. I always have to do it over and over and over again. Whenever I have an opinion, you yell at me.

You screamed at me because I was concerned that you were driving in the middle of the street. I understand I don't have a license, but I obviously understand safety a lot better than you.

He can be your little puppet boy. Sit him down when you don't want to care for him. But he'll be the one that gets you sent to jail, in debt, and insane.

I don't care about him. He ruined everything I could possibly have. You and him were the reason I cry about everything. You're the reason I hate myself and everything I could possibly have. You're the reason I don't have what I used to.

When you need help, of course I'll have to be there because you burdened me with this guilt. You deserve to get help after what you when through with your parents, but I don't deserve to go through the same shit you went through with your brother.

But in my case, it's worse.

So here I am relapsing, with this depression that you didn't believe I have. Well the doctor and I both knew it. You just won't accept it because I'm not suicidal. I'd rather kill him, the one who is worthless than myself.

But I won't. This will only make me stronger. You will never help me get to where I will be. If you take credit, it will just be denied.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday. You have you're friends an you know it. They love you, you love them. You hate others, they hate others. You joke, they joke. You seclude yourself, they follow you. You suclude someone else, they follow you again. You anticipate, they make you a cake.

I miss my steak. The steak that complained "I have no friends" but just looks around too much. She's right next to you, just like I was. You're just looking around. You don't need to look around, the most important person to you that will stand by you forever is right next to you day and night. She just can't tell you know because she doesn't want to fight.

And yet, I may not be fully alone. I have him. But what is he compared to my "friends"? My old friends. What friends do I have now? People say you're better off having one friend then none, but what happens when you're alone? Can you be your own friend? Or do you have to depend on the only things you have around you to be your friend.

And that's when I realize, my brother didn't lay around depending on everything for enterntainment because he was scared to hang out with his semi-friends. He just didn't have anyone to hang out with.

And I didn't hang around here on my down time because I was just tired. I was tired because I had no one. I was scared to take out because I had too much to lose, but when you're by yourself sitting in a room and letting your mind run, what else do you have to do? Let you go crazy? Or maybe you just go a little more sane.

It's better to be ditched than to ditch.

Happy Birthday.

I like to wander to find rest

You always hate that kinda of person, until you become them. Then you realize you hate yourself. if only you realized you were them the entire time.

Most of the reasons why we are unhappy with ourselves is because we are rejected by society.

I've wandered around this pond to rest for years. But i've pushed in and out with welcomes and rocks to walk around with no rest. New alliances, new threads are what makes up this quilt of chaos and success. "I like when the people I don't like have nowhere to stand." So does everyone else, until they become that person. You will never be. Your heart could never be crushed by the cards you play. Your life is a game of risk, and I'm the lonely spy who just wants a true friend. We all have said that we hate this society, but what keeps us coming back for more? Is it because we couldn't make a single friend on the outside? I'm just going to keep walking around with some place to rest. I'll try to only open my mouth when I need a bed, but I can't promise you that I won't also need a friend.

I'll always have an extra bed.

It doesn't matter how hard you try, some were meant to control, some to enterntain, some to hurt, some to love, some to tag a long, some to laugh, some to cry, and like me, some I wander. But no matter who you are, you will always be a ditcher.