I need some inspiration...

Not even "Somewhere over the Rainbow" is helping. But that's okay. I just want some inspiration please.

I need inspiration to do what I want. I need motivation. I can't do this anymore. I can't get up without wanting to stay down. I can't spin without wanting to sit.

I can't do this anymore. This thing. I just want to go away.

I'm relapsing.

Honesty Box.

Stop trying to hurt me, just because you aren't good enough. Last time it was because you were jealous, now who knows the reason. But you can't break me.

If you don't like me, there's nothing I can really say. You have the chance to ignore me, annoy me, do what you want. The only thing I'm trying to do is be happy and the nicest thing I can say is get over it.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure what to say anymore.
I'm not sure how to think.
I'm not sure who I want to hang out with.
I'm not sure what I want.

I don't want to go, because you're my best friend. I want to go because you're my best friend. I can't not go, but I've been looking forward to this day that had a possiblity of not happening, and now I'm stuck in the middle.

I'd choose him over you. He treats me better. But I need a friend too. But he's a better friend to me than you are.

What to choose. Him, or you...

Maybe I'll come over earlier, if it's alright...
Maybe if you'll let me, I won't stay for the night.

I can't leave you hanging on a thread, but you have others. But then you'll complain that I left you, when you're not even here.

I was so sure of what I wanted this past week. I was so strong and motivated.

Now I'm tired and unsure.

"this is the worst family in the world"

And your the biggest contributer.

"the wind up becoming a part of that person's life. And then they want the person to change." - Paul Coelho

When they loved me it was because I was conforming. Now they hate me because I am simply being myself.

You don't know what you've got until itsit's gone

Today I was thinking of baby names, and thought of my grandmas name for a middle name. Then I realized, why not have the middle name as my alive grandmas name?

Because I take advantage of the fact that she's around. All I want her to do is see all he grandchildren get married while she's healthy, and Ill be happy. I wish so much that she will live to those days.

I realized how important she really is in my life, and now I have to think of something for her birthday because I feel guilty. A scrapbook. We never get her anything too special. Just the usual blouse and necklace and candle and whatever we can find. Now Im goingto actually care for what I have in my life.

Family Matters

You know Carl Winslow on Family Matters? And how he always yelled at Steve? But he actually really, really, cared for Steve.

Well today I've been able to relate this matter to my family. (no pun intended)

I was arguing with my older brother, who was telling my 11 year old neighbor how smoking a cigar is safe because you don't inhale it. I told him different, and said it was just as bad as smoking anything in general. We continued to argue with him telling me how stupid I was because I am only a freshman in high school and don't know anything, nor have experienced anything because he went through rehab, and I told him how has he possibly learned anything when he failed half of high school, is taking classes at a community college that he doesn't even attend, and is only signed up because my mom doesn't want him to fail at life, and obviously hasn't learned anything and brain shrunk because that's what alcohol and smoking does to you. I also told him he went to rehab because he was depressed, and has no idea what he is talking about.

Although I know the fact that smoking a cigar is unsafe, not trying to be conceited at all, that is not my point.

My point is, is that I realized my parents and I argue with each other and my brothers because we simply care about the safety of our family. But I'm not sure I can say the same about my brothers. They don't understand that we are just trying to help them in life. They could care less as long as they have their laptop and xbox.

I'll always be saddened about my relations with my brothers in the future, but I know I'll try to be as close as possible to them and my parents. I really can't wait to marry into a strong family. I don't think I could marry otherwise.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm the last hope for my family.

Save us from ourselves

We can't ride bikes to school anymore... why?
The flowers don't grow in my yard anymore... why?
I can't go skiing there anymore... why?
I have to do all my homework on the computer... why?

The school keeps their computers running 24 hours, 7 days a week... why?
Our electric bill is too high... why?
There are too many people with cancer... why?
Too many people are being killed... why?
The recession never ends... why?

Why?

It is us. Humans. We are the problem.

The bike racks at school have disappeared. You have to drive to school in a vehicle.
The ground is filled with too many chemicals... I wonder where they came from...

School is switching to computers and technology for all education. My eyesight is getting worse and the rain is weathering away skin and bones.

The only way we know how to settle our differences is by killing.

Our leaders are too selfish to get out of the recession in an efficient way.

We are too selfish. That's the plain truth.

We are too selfish to want to save to world for our grandchildren, but the truth is we also have to save it for us.

If he don't stop it all now, we will be in misery. Not you're grandchildren, but you. You, and me, my friends, your family, my peers, your coworkers. We will all be suffering. It wouldn't even be sudden death. We are suffering now, but wait until we suffer later.

Are you going to wait until there are several outbreaks of massacres across America? Are you going to wait until our soil is no longer fertile?
Are you going to wait to use acid water?
Are you going to wait to poison yourself?
Are you going to wait to kill you family just because they have different beliefs?
Are you going to wait?

Are you?

We need to save us from ourselves. We all know how to, we just refuse to.

I am so desperate to tell you, I have to rely on a computer to spread my message. A message that isn't even spreading.

Save us. Save us. Please. Make us strong. Make us live.

Thanks, Obama

A few months ago anyone would address Bush. But will anyone address Obamas faults?

To be honest, Im not a fan of either Bush nor Obama, but Im not being biased when I say, was it the right choice to choose Obama?

What has he done to help the economy?

Where was he last night with his wife? How much money did he spend?

Our country is suffering while our President is spending while he can. If he really cared about us, then why isn't he contributing this money to the country? Flyingplace to place, driving restaurant to restaurant, buying for his wife and kids clothes and items that aren't neccessary. In the past month my to working parents realized they had no money to even buy food. My 52 year old father was planning on retiring in a few year before policies changed, but now he's not sure he could afford too.

Obama, what are you doing about this?

Will you buy your kids cars for their 16th birthday? Will you buy them their favorite toys, clothes, pets, foods. Send them to a decent school, and even have money to send them to college?

My best friend dreams of becoming a surgeon. This economy is preventing his family from even being able to move to the next town for a nicer and safer education, and no matter how great his grades are, he may never be able to earn the needed degree because he can't afford too get that far.

Both of my older brothers enherited cars from my grandparents when they turned 16, but I may never have a car until I am much older. I can't freely work without my parents hours clocked in, or go to practice without bothering them.

Obama, everyone had hope in you, so I had a little too. But it's all gone.